


A Forbidden Destiny

by MuseMeow



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Minor Violence, Road Trips, Romance, maybe smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-18 08:19:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5912707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuseMeow/pseuds/MuseMeow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen escorts Kaliana Surana to Denerim, and the pair are free from the Circle for a whole week. Unable to keep their feelings a secret any longer their lives are set on a new dangerous course. Will love triumph, or will the perils of Thedus rip them apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Harrowing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I thought I'd bring my fan fiction here. It's also posted on fanfiction.net under my penname russianbear27, but I love this community and thought I'd share it here as well. I may also be altering the story slightly from the fanfiction version. It will most be error correction, but may also contain a few slight changes. Nothing major though.
> 
> The basis of the story kind of came out of a whimsical idea I had, so not everything will fit perfectly with lore and world.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the story!

She could hear them talking, all around her the tower was abuzz with the news of her Harrowing. Everyone was talking about her, the quiet elf who kept mostly to herself, and nearly always had her head in a book. Some even mistook her for a tranquil from time to time.  


She breezed through,” they whispered. “One of the smoothest Harrowings ever. She has so much potential.”  


Instead of basking in the congratulations from her fellow apprentices, she stole away to the library to the rarely used chamber she had come to love. It may have once been a storage room, but she had turned it into her personal hide away. Being the Librarian’s assistant had its perks.  


There she kept a collection of her favorite tomes. A worn chair sat opposite the window looking out over the lake. A quilt was folded neatly across the ottoman. Early one morning, she woke up to find that same quilt covered her. Someone had cared enough to bring it up to her after she had fallen asleep reading. The old rug that covered the stone floor used to belong First Enchanter Irving’s, who she convinced to part with after he acquired a new one for his quarters. Otherwise the small room was sparsely decorated. A few books were stacked on the stone bench beneath the window, since there was no more room on the few shelves she had. It wasn’t much, but it was the closest thing she had to having her own space.  


Here she could hide away from the prying eyes, and the attention that made her so uncomfortable. The only ones who knew she went here were Jowan, and a Templar. There were many a night Jowan would join her and they would stay up late playing cards, studying for exams, or just talking. Cullen, the Templar, was different. He had stumbled upon her hide away quite by accident, but had become a familiar visitor.  


Cullen would visit her during his off hours. Usually they would read together in silence. Though she had caught him looking at her on more than one occasion, when he was supposedly reading. She didn’t mind it, in fact she quite enjoy the attention. Sometimes they would talk about family back home, or discuss the books they were currently reading. She knew his favorites were the adventure stories and history. While she read about theories of the fade and ancient elven magic.  


Often, she would attempt to discuss what she was learning, but most of it went over Cullen’s head. Nonetheless, he always listened intently. Neither would admit it, but there was something between them. An attraction that drew them together, but never close enough. They always had to dance around it. Kaliana enjoyed making the young Templar blush and he loved when she said his name. It was a dangerous game they were playing, but neither had the mind to step away. At least not yet.  


The familiar space was a welcome sight after the trials of her Harrowing. Clearing some space she sat down on bench near the window. She looked out over the lake towards the distant shore, lost in thought.  


“Kaliana, you d-did very well in your Harrowing,” Cullen stammered startling the mage. She had not heard him enter.  


“Cullen!” she gasped, “don’t sneak up on me like that.”  


“I-I’m sorry,” he always struggled with his words around her. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”  


“It’s alright,” she assured him, “and thank you.”  


He just looked at her for a moment, unsure of what to say next. Until he remembered the excuse he had procured to track her down, “I, um, have a letter for you. Ah, it’s from your mother… I think.”  


Kaliana smiled, she couldn’t stop herself from noticing how cute he was when he was nervous. Turning a shade of red, Cullen handed her the letter.  


“I’m very glad you succeeded in your Harrowing,” he tried to make conversation while she opened the message. “Well, I knew you would, because you’re… um, well you’re you. I just, if you hadn’t completed your Harrowing they put me in charge of… ending things…” He froze realizing how it sounded, “I’m sorry, this was much better in my head.”  


“Cullen,” Kaliana giggled, “I know what you mean. I’m glad you were there.”  


He sighed and changed the subject, “W-what does your letter say?”  


Kaliana skimmed the first portion of the letter, “well it seems my sister is to be married soon.”  


“Will you go to the ceremony?”  


“Mostly likely not,” Kaliana said defeated. “I haven’t been home to Denerim since I joined the circle.” She had not seen her mother or sister since coming the Circle. Visits were severely restricted. She was lucky she received letters from family. Many apprentices either had no family, or they didn’t care enough to write. Most families looked upon magic as shameful and preferred to abandon their children to the Circle.  


“As a full mage of the Circle you can request time to go,” Cullen noted.  


“I don’t know, they only give leave for very good reasons.”  


“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”  


Kaliana thought for a moment. The circle occasionally would grant leave to mages, but only for certain events and under very strict conditions. Cullen was right though, there was no harm is trying.

* * * * * 

Kaliana was given a week’s leave to attend her sister’s wedding. She was of course to be escorted by a Templar guard. Luckily Kaliana was considered a “low risk” by the order, since she knew very little combat magic. She had spent most of her time in the circle studying theoretical magic and the fade. This meant that only one guard was needed to escort her. Her guard, of course, was none other than Cullen Rutherford. Though he was one of the most likely choices for this assignment, Kaliana wasn’t convinced it was entirely by chance they were to travel together. However, she couldn’t determine if it was First Enchanter Irving or Knight-Commander Gregior’s influence that determined this arrangement. Regardless, she was thrilled to be able to visit her family.  


It was a two-day journey to Denerim, and Cullen said very little to her during their first day of travel. They never spoke much outside of Kaliana’s little office and when they did they never used each other’s names. She always referred to him as “Ser,” and he addressed her as “Miss,” as was the proper way. Yet, his silence now perturbed her. He seemed more nervous than ever, and she addressed it after they made camp for the night.  


“Are you angry with me, Cullen?” Kaliana asked as they sat near the fire.  
Cullen looked at her. She was nineteen, a full head shorter than he and of slender build, though that was typical of elven women. Her warm auburn hair rested on her shoulder in a long braid. Delicate pointed ears protruded out from behind her hair, refusing to hide. He held her gaze too long and looked away a bit embarrassed.  


“Well, are you?” she probed.  


“A-angry? With you?” he stammered in his usual manner, “I would t-think not. You do make me nervous, h-however.”  


“Nervous?”  


“Um, yes, in a m-manner of speaking.”  


“How do I make you nervous?” her heart beat faster. The circle walls were gone and yet there was still something between them.  


“I… well I… Why are you asking this?” he dodged.  


“You haven’t really spoken to me all day. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to…”  


“No, that’s not it,” feeling the pressure, Cullen pushed his hand through his blonde hair. It was a nervous mannerism that Kaliana adored. “I would prefer not to make a fool of myself in front of you. Though it seems that is completely unavoidable”  


“You are many things Cullen, but you are certainly not a fool.”  


“I really wish that were true,” he mumbled.  


An awkward silence settled between them as they wrestled with unspoken emotions. Kaliana watched Cullen through the flames. His eyes were looking everywhere but at her. She wished he would look at her, his golden eyes always brought her a sense of calm. 

“Can I tell you something, Cullen?” Kaliana asked gently, breaking the silence.  


Cullen sat up a bit straighter, “of course. You can tell me anything.”  


Kaliana stood up and moved over next to the Templar, sitting down a mere breath’s away from him. “Please stop me if I go to far, but I know I’ll never get another chance to say this.” She looked directly into his warm brown eyes, “I don’t know how to say this... but I care about you Cullen. More than I should, and I think you are a wonderful man. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a mage, or maybe that you were, and then we could be…” she trailed off.  


Cullen just stared, unable to find the words to reply.  


“I’m sorry, so sorry. Just forget I ever said anything,” Kaliana frantically backpedaled seeing him freeze up. She stood up to leave, her cheeks burning in embarrassment.  


“Wait!” Cullen grabbed her hand, finally finding his words.  


Kaliana stared at him, wide eyed, as he stood and looked down at her.  


“I’ve never been good with words around you,” he whispered still holding her hand. “I know what is between us can never be. It goes against everything we have been taught. We can never be together.”  


She looked away, and fought back tears knowing he was right. His free hand found her chin and gently raised her face till she was looking into his eyes once more. “We can not be together,” he repeated softly, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. I have cared for you since the day I met you and I no longer have the strength to deny my feelings for you.  


“It is up to you, and when we return to the Circle this will all be over. If word ever got out, the punishments would be… severe. Is this really what you want?”  
Kaliana's stomach felt like it was turing over on itself, “I would gladly give my life for a day with you, than spend the rest of my years wondering what could have been.”  


He pulled her in to his chest, and he held her for what seemed like years. In a week they would have pretend none of this had happened, but right now they had each other.  


Kaliana giggled to herself suddenly interrupting the moment.  


“What’s so funny?” Cullen asked.  


“You didn’t stumble over your words,” she grinned.  


Cullen smiled sheepishly, “Well you still make me nervous.”  


“Perhaps I can change that.”  


Cullen pulled her closer unable to stop himself from fulfilling a dream three years in the making. When their lips met, they knew there was no turning back. Their destinies were forever entwined, sealed by a kiss beneath the stars.


	2. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, again! 
> 
> I'm hoping to get a chapter edited and up every day. It's proving to be a little more consuming than I thought it would be originally.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Denerim hadn't changed much during Kaliana'a years in the Circle. At least as far as she could tell, many of her memories of the city were fuzzy and faded. After all, the last time she had been here she was only six years old. The Templars who collected her were kind enough, but that was little comfort for a confused little girl who did not want to leave her mother and sister.

Her mother had told her to be brave as she wiped away her own tears. Kaliana had begged to stay, promising to always be a good girl as long as she could stay. It was impossible to explain to one so young how the world worked, but her mother did her best. Somehow with one last hug and a kiss goodbye Kaliana went with the waiting Templars to start her new life.

"Are you alright my dear?" Cullen asked, snapping Kaliana back to reality.

"Yes, yes. I'm sorry, I was lost in thought." Kaliana pushed the memories to the back of her mind.

"Alright," Cullen eyed her suspiciously. Kaliana seemed very uncomfortable here. "Well, the Chantry is not far. We should go check in, then we can go see your family."

Kaliana didn't like the Chantry much. The sisters outside the chapel reciting the famous portion of Chant of Light didn't do much to ease her mind. "Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him," the Chant of Transfiguration could be heard down the street. "Foul and corrupt are they, Who take His gift, And turn it against His children."

Must she always be reminded of the Chantry's distrust of the mages? Though Kaliana believed in the Maker, she felt the Chant was sometimes used to manipulate and control people more than Andraste intended. Thankfully the interior was quiet, a welcome change from the bustle of the city. Cullen bid her to wait for him in the sanctuary while he sought out the senior Templar on duty.

The Chantry was old, built with ancient stones and mortar. Light filtered lazily through stained glass. In a darkened archway pray candles cast an eerie mixture of light and shadow across the wall. At the very front of the sanctuary was the ornate alter where the Revered Mother would surely give her sermons. Kaliana approached a large statue of Andraste who held her hands outstretched towards the worshippers. Looking up at her stoney lifeless eyes, Kaliana wondered what the prophetess would think of her. Would she condemn her as the Chantry surely would, would she forgive her the sin she'd committed, or would she bother with even considering it an offense? Sighing, Kaliana moved over to the empty pews.

The pew creaked loudly when she sat down, echoing throughout the hall. Kaliana looked around anxiously hoping no one heard. Settling herself, she smoothed her skirts over her lap and reflected on the crazy events had occurred in the last twenty-four hours. Cullen had been special to her since the day they met in the Circle Chapel. Now, it seemed that impossible dream she held close to her heart had become a reality. Silently, she prayed to the Maker for forgiveness. Personally, she felt that in the Maker's eyes love became before all else, but officially the Chantry would condemn them both for their feelings and actions.

A few moments later Cullen returned, having accomplished his task. The young Templar was all smiles as he collected her from the Chapel. Kaliana loved his lopsided grin. It always made his eyes light up. Once again she was reminded how lucky she was to know him.

"Are you ready to see your family?" Cullen asked once they left the Chantry.

"I believe so," Kaliana replied, "Mother knows I'm coming, but Harper has no idea."

"Then she's in for a great surprise."

Leaving the Market District the houses gradually began degrading, and this pattern continued, as they got closer to the Alienage. Although Kaliana had lived in the elven Alienage, she had forgotten what it was like. She was taken aback by the conditions of the Alienage. Dirty children play in rags on the streets, and there seemed to be a beggar on every street corner. Some of the homes looked to be on the verge of collapse, and the smell was unpleasant to say the least.

People stared and whispered as they passed, but none approached them. Cullen's Templar armor was enough to keep most everyone at bay. Luckily, finding Kaliana's family home wasn't too difficult. Originally it had been a single family home, but at some point the single story house had been divided into two small apartments. Outside, an elven woman with greying hair was hanging laundry to dry.

"Mother?!" Kaliana called to her.

The woman turned and smiled when she saw them. "Kali!" She opened her arms and rushed over her daughter. Kaliana caught her mother in a warm embrace.

"It's so great to see you Mother," Kaliana beamed. Her mother could hardly contain her excitement, and the two were locked in an embrace that seemed to last forever. Kaliana didn't care, she hadn't seen her in thirteen years. She had aged, her hair nearly all grey now and the lines of age criss crossed her face. But, it was her.

Pulling back she cupped her daughter's face in her hands. "Oh, my Kaliana," she whispered, "I've missed you so much. And look how beautiful you have become." She smiled widely. She pulled Kaliana back into another hug, "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too, Mother," Kaliana said.

The older woman noticed the looming Templar, "and who is this?" She asked cautiously.

"Oh, this is Ser Cullen of the Templars. He is my escort and guardsman," she quickly explained. "Ser Cullen, this is my Mother, Naenia."

Naenia eyed him suspiciously, but extended her hand in greeting.

"I hope to not be of any trouble to you. Ideally, you will not even know I'm here." Cullen assured her taking her hand in his.

"Well, make yourself at home," Naenia invited. "It's not much, but it has served us well. Harper is inside making supper." Though she was still wary of the young Templar, Naenia smiled warmly as she brought them inside.

Harper was busy cooking in the smallest kitchen Cullen had ever seen. The young elven woman nearly dropped her wooden mixing bowl when she noticed her sister. She stood frozen in disbelief.

"Harper?" Kaliana asked quietly.

"Kali?" her sister croaked, "is it really you?"

"Yes," Kaliana smiled.

Suddenly Harper let out a girlish squeal. Putting her mixing bowl aside, Harper nearly tackled her younger sister, still shrieking, sending Kaliana into a fit of giggles.

Kaliana was overwhelmed in the best possible way. Many mages never see their families after leaving for the Circle. This was a rare and joyous time, and she was going to make the best of it. Naeria began setting the rickety table in the corner. Kaliana chatted with her sister while helping her prepare the rest of the meal. Cullen, in the meantime, took in the small apartment that had only one adjacent room. The home was small, in disrepair, but it was neat and clean. A couple worn armchairs were placed in another corner with a small table between them. Cullen eyed the frayed rug awkwardly as he waited for the women to finish preparing dinner.

Luckily he didn't have to wait long for it to be served. Now he just had to get through the meal without completely embarrassing himself.

* * * * *

The pair returned to the Denerim Chantry that evening. Kaliana was required to spend her evenings within the Chantry's walls as part of the conditions for her leave. Even in the comfort of her room, Kaliana couldn't help but feel a bit lost. It was strange to be home in Denerim, when a small part of her missed the security of the Circle tower. The Circle had been her home for over a decade, and it had become her world.

Kaliana flopped back on her bed. This whole trip had been a whirlwind and trying to process it was making her head hurt. Rolling over, Kaliana watched what was left of the candle burn down. It was late and the sisters of the Chantry had long since gone to sleep. The wedding was tomorrow, but Kaliana couldn't sleep.

Suddenly there was a soft knock at the door. Placing her bare feet on the cold stone floor sent shivers through her. Quietly she walked over to the door and opened it just enough to see who was outside.

"Cullen!" she whispered harshly. "What are you doing here? We'll get in trouble!"

"I couldn't sleep," he smiled that goofy smile. "I see you couldn't either. Let me in before someone sees me."

Kaliana opened the door for him, and she quickly glanced around the hallway to make sure no one had seen him enter. Slowly and quietly she shut the heavy door. She turned around, and leaned against the door. It was then she noticed Cullen was staring and she remembered she was wearing nothing but her nightclothes. Which in her case consisted of little more than a thin pull over that barely reached her thighs, and her under clothes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize," Kaliana sputtered. "You must think I'm some sort of… I don't know." She grabbed a blanket off the bed to cover herself.

Cullen closed his mouth realizing it had been open this entire time. "No, I think…" he breathed, "I think you're beautiful."

Kaliana blushed as she sat down on the bed. He always said the nicest things to her, even if she couldn't quite shake off her embarrassment. "Well, I think you're very handsome," she admitted pulling the blanket around her shoulders.

Her long auburn hair tumbled down in gentle curls resting on her shoulders, and she caught Cullen staring again. She bid him to sit next to her on the bed and he obliged.

"Are you not afraid they will find us in here," Kaliana worried.

Cullen smiled again, "This is a Chantry, not the Circle. There are maybe six Templar guards here and only one of them is on duty at night. Once every other hour he'll make his rounds, but he won't come by here. I am the one in charge of you, after all."

"In charge of me? Is that what you think?" She jested as she leaned against him and he put his arm around her. 

"I didn't mean... I-I only meant..." Cullen tried to correct himself/

Kaliana laughed, "it's okay. I was only joking."

He breathed a sight of relief and settled in next to her.

"Do you think we are just fooling ourselves, Cullen?" Kaliana whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"We both know that we shouldn't be together, that we can't be together," she nearly choked on the words. "Why are we doing this, when we know is can only end in heart break?"

"Are you saying we should just stop now, and walk away? If that's what you want then…"

"No," she interrupted before he got the wrong idea. "I just don't know why."

Cullen was quiet, and for a moment she thought he would just get up and leave having finally come to his senses. Then he finally spoke, "I don't know why, Kali," she noted he picked up the nickname her mother and sister used, "but what I do know is that when I'm around you I feel something I've never experienced before. It's like the world is brighter when you're around and I feel like I'm really alive. Every moment with you is a haven from all the confusion in life. You're the only thing that makes sense."

Kaliana lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling and soon Cullen followed suit. She turned and rested her head on his chest. He went rigid at the physical contact, unsure of what to do. He relaxed after a few moments and stroked her hair as he pulled her closer.

"I was taken to the Circle when I was six years old," Kaliana began. "It was a long time before I was comfortable there. I love the Circle, it's the only home I've really known, but I guess I've always thought of Denerim as my home. Now that I'm here, I just feel out of place. When I'm with you, it all disappears. When I'm with you, I'm home."

Before she knew it Cullen's lips were on hers. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she surrendered to his kiss wrapping her arms around him. He pulled back, and Kaliana smiled at him.

"I love you," he blurted surprising himself. It took all of her strength to keep from giggling at his horrified face. She knew he had been holding in those three words for over a long time. He had been smitten with her from the start, but as he got to know her over the previous three years in the Circle he had fallen in love. 

"I love you too," Kaliana smiled finally being able to admit it. Cullen immediately relaxed hearing her say those words.

She snuggled up close to him, and he just held her in the dim candlelight. At some point she fell asleep in his arms, and when she woke up the following morning, he was gone.


	3. Dreamers

The day of the wedding was a blur of activity. Cullen was thankful he had the chance to wander the market in the early morning. He enjoyed wandering the streets as the merchants set up their shops, the first rays of light illuminating the streets. After breakfast he collected Kaliana, and they headed to the Alienage. Thus began his day of feeling rather useless.

It seemed everyone had something to do for the wedding. Kaliana and her mother were busy helping Helena get ready for the ceremony. It seemed the entire Alienage had come together for this wedding. Everyone, from the poorest of beggars to the most successful shop owners, contributed to the proceedings in some manner. Whether it was decorations, food, or wildflowers picked for the bride, everyone had something to give. And Cullen just stood there and twiddled his thumbs.

Cullen stood guard outside Kaliana's family home while the women prepared for their big day. He endured the stares of the community as they passed by. Finally, the women emerged just past noon. Each was dressed in their finest clothes, which was only a modest green dress for Naera. Harper had been gifted her mother's wedding gown, an adorned white dress with a long skirt that Harper held in her arms to save from the dirty streets. It was simple by most standards, but here in the Alienage the gown was truly a treasure.

Then there was Kaliana. She wore her best sapphire circle robes. Her long hair had been lovingly braided and pinned up as her sister's had. She was a sight to see, and Cullen had to bite his tongue to keep from complimenting her in public.

Kaliana gave her sister a hug, and joined Cullen. The pair watched as Harper and her mother wandered off together.

"Where are they going?" Cullen asked.

Kaliana smiled, "mother is taking her to meet her betrothed."

"Wait," Cullen was shocked, "they haven't met yet?"

Kaliana laughed, "no. Most marriages in the Alienage are arranged marriages."

"Why?" was all Cullen could ask, trying to wrap his head around it.

"Well, life is hard here," Kaliana explained. "Arranging marriages just makes sense most of the time. Harper is to be married to a black smith's apprentice, which means that he will be able to provide for her and their family. Arranging marriages insures the best possible outcome for both parties."

"That is understandable, I guess," Cullen granted.

"You guess?" Kaliana looked him in the eye.

"I don't believe I would be able to let someone make a decision like that for me."

"Really now? I would think you'd be very okay with it, having spent as much time in the Templars as you have," her tone became uncharacteristically haughty. "At least you can marry, if you so choose," Kaliana's eyes were cold. As a circle mage she would never be allowed to marry. 

"I didn't mean it like that, Kali," Cullen tried to apologize, he didn't realize it was such a touchy subject. Kaliana didn't reply and Cullen was forced to follow her in silence to center of the Alienage.

The entire Alienage had gathered there. A small stage had been built to hold the wedding for all to see. Soon, the Revered Mother from the Denerim Chantry arrived to officiate the wedding. The rest of the wedding party showed up, not too long after the Revered Mother. Kaliana took her place on the stage along side her mother, and the groom's family Cullen did his best to stay out of the way, and blend in at the back of the crowd.

The crowd split in half to make way for the bride and groom to take the stage. Applause and shouts of encouragement surrounded the couple has they climbed the steps to the Revered Mother. The Priestess smiled warmly as she began the wedding ceremony. That was until some unwelcome guests interrupted her. A small band of drunken noblemen had felt this was the best time to wander into the Alienage in search of some fun.

"Ah, what do we have here?" one of them slurred. He was a middle-aged man, with a dirty goatee. Cullen immediately pegged him as the leader. "Some sort of party, I do think." He stumbled up onto the stage, and Cullen began making his way slowly through the crowd.

"This is a wedding, Vaughan," the Revered Mother's tone was cold as ice, "and you are not welcome here. I will call the city guard." She knew this man well, he was always causing trouble, but she also knew her words would ring hollow in his ears.

"Shut up woman! I go wherever I so please," the man snarled. "My father is the Arl and I came here to invite some these lovely ladies to a party." He put an arm around one of the bridesmaids, who slunk away from his touch.

Everyone was silent, unsure of what to do. The tension in the air was so thick it was suffocating. Anyone who had stood up to Vaughan before either ended up in prison or dead. There was nothing the elves could do. Vaughan's father controlled the guards, and these people were already so down trodden. Many of them accepted the abuse.

"These are some mighty fine whores here, Ser," one the cronies eyed Kaliana who. She shuddered as he breathed in her scent. It took every ounce of her self-control not to burn the man alive with veil fire.

"Leave her alone," Cullen commanded. His eyes were dark and threatening.

"And who is this whelp?" Vaughan demanded.

"I am Ser Cullen Rutherford of the Templars, and that mage is under my protection," Cullen almost growled the words as he stared the man down.

"I suppose this bitch will have to do then," without taking his eyes off Cullen, the Arl's son grabbed Harper by the arm and Harper shrieked in surprise. The elven woman fell to her knees under painful his grip, soiling her dress in the dirt. Her fiancé made a move to aid her, but a nearby henchman flashed a knife in his direction stopping the man in his tracks.

Cullen drew his sword, "I suggest you leave now, or you will deal with the Templars."

The drunken lord laughed, "Templars? You mean the men in skirts who chase loose mages, and stand around in the Chantry all day? You have no authority here."

"By all means," Cullen smiled. "You have interrupted a Chantry sanctioned ceremony, threatened my charge and her family, as well as disrespected the Revered Mother. This is very much within my authority to act. I will give you one last opportunity to leave now, before I bring the might of the Templar Order down upon your head," Cullen didn't even raise his voice, he didn't need to. His voice was as threatening as a caged dragon.

The man thought for a moment, and one of his goons approached him, "maybe we should just go to the Pearl instead, Ser." Vaughan dropped his gaze from Cullen, and the Templar knew he had won. The drunken men stumbled off into the city, and the ceremony was able to resume.

Afterwards, the entire crowd thanked him for what he had done. Never had a human stood up for the elves, as he had, at least not in recent memory. Even the Revered Mother gave her thanks and told him she would send a glowing review of him back to Kinloch Hold. Though it seemed that it was Harper and her new husband that seemed the most grateful. Before the dinner feast the couple approached him.

"I am glad you are the one looking after my sister," Harper told him. "We owe you a debt we can never repay, those men have preyed on the alienage for far too long. There are quite a few girls who have lost their… pride to those men. I cannot thank you enough."

"I know it is not much," Harper's husband Gaven said, "but I want you to have this." The young elven man revealed a sheathed long sword, "It is my first solo work of silverite. I know it will serve you well in the protection of others."

"I can't take this," Cullen began.

"Please," Harper pleaded, "take it, and look after my little sister."

"I will," Cullen relented, taking the sword, "I promise."

"Thank you," Harper smiled.

It wasn't until the sun had begun to set did Cullen speak to Kaliana once again. The festivities would carry on late into the night, but Kaliana and Cullen had to return to the Chantry before nightfall.

"I'm sure the entire Alienage has already said this," she said while they walked the streets in the fading light, "but thank you for what you did back there. It is a very rare thing for that man to leave empty handed, as far as Helena tells me. Perhaps he will think twice now before bothering the elves again."

They walked in silence for while. Kaliana stared at the road beneath her feet, the worn stones that had been laid centuries before. She knew Cullen was quiet because of how she had treated him earlier.

"I'm sorry, about what I said," she apologized. "I know the Circle tries to do what is best for the mages, and for Thedus. It's just difficult to see my sister get married, and know that I never will."

"Do you wish you could be free of the Circle?" Cullen asked, curious.

Kaliana thought for a moment, "Yes, and no. Sometimes I feel like some of the rules are rather silly or outright oppressive to the mages. Yet, I know without the Circle, without the Templars, many could fall to the temptation of demons. Part of me feels like things could be better, for both parties. I don't know, it's much too complex a question for me to really answer."

"I suppose you're right," Cullen agreed.

"Living in the Circle isn't always easy, but deep down, I'm glad I'm there," she confessed.

"Any reason why?"

"I told you I went to the Circle when six years old, right?"

"Yes, and I've wondered why. Most mages don't manifest their powers until at least ten years old."

"Well, I was a special case. The nightmares started shortly after my sixth birthday, when my father died. Then, not long after that, the Chantry sent for the Templars to take me to the Circle.

"There is a reason why my Harrowing went so smoothly. It was not my first time fully in the fade. I am what they call a dreamer, a Somnairi. My connection to the fade is stronger than other mages, and when I sleep I would enter the fade completely."

"Doesn't that normally take lyrium?" Cullen was surprised.

"Yes, but I, for some reason, don't need it. I am also able to manipulate the fade as I see fit, something that normally takes a lifetime of training. Many mages never achieve such power. I can even enter the dreams of others. Unfortunately, it also marked me as a prime target for possession. With my abilities, a demon could do unfathomable damage to the world." She could see Cullen was getting nervous, he was still a Templar after all.

"The Templars wanted to make me tranquil before I could even begin my apprenticeship, but Irving stepped in. He felt he could help me control my power and overcome the demons. Meanwhile, the Templars kept quiet about it and watched my progress carefully. By the time you arrived in Circle, I had mostly mastered my abilities, and the Templars had backed off. I think the only ones who know about me now, are Irving, Gregior, and a few of the higher up Templars."

"So how do you protect yourself?" Cullen asked timidly.

"Well, I construct a barrier when I sleep and enter the fade. Irving also put me through a lot of training and testing, so I would be able to identify and resist any demon I do come in contact with. In a lot of ways, I am much more prepared to resist possession than my peers," she wasn't bragging, Kaliana just stated it as a fact. This made Cullen relax again. "If not for the Circle, I would either be an abomination, or dead. I owe my life to Kinloch."

Even as a full Templar, magic still made him nervous sometimes. Especially magic he didn't quite understand. Yet, if Irving and Gregior were confident in her abilities, then he was too. The foolish part of him also felt that this woman would never fall to temptation, he trusted her.

They finally reached the Chantry, as the last rays of daylight faded away.

"Does it bother you?" Kaliana stopped outside the Chantry walls. "I mean, do my abilities bother you?"

Cullen sighed, his right hand reached for the back of his neck subconsciously. "Why has this been kept secret? I would think that at least the hold Templars would know."

"Well, Somnairi are very rare and not well understood. I have worked very hard to get where I am today, and Irving did not want to cause unnecessary tension with the Templars." Kaliana began to get a bit defensive, "I am in full control of my power, I will never let it overtake me."

The spark of determination was evident in her eyes. Cullen was amazed at how she much she had to overcome, just to exist. "You are amazing," he said truthfully, even if the power she held did intimidate him.

Kaliana smiled at him, "We should get inside before the Revered Mother sends out a search party for us."

"I suppose you're right," he smiled back at her, "but first…" before she could react he kissed her, praying no one was watching in the darkened streets. "I will always protect you," he vowed as they slipped into the Chantry courtyard.


	4. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter. This editing is taking more time than I thought. I still have another 14 chapters to post! 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying it. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

"Do you ever sleep?" Kaliana asked when Cullen visited her at the same unseemly hour as he had the previous night.

"Occasionally," Cullen jested.

Kaliana was much more prepared this evening than before, and more comfortable in his presence. The blanket that covered her shoulders was more for warding off the cold of the Chantry's basement than for modesty's sake. Cullen made himself comfortable sitting on the bed, and Kaliana snuggled up beside him. She was exhausted from the day's events and knew this visit would probably a short one.

"Do you normally enter other people's dreams?" Cullen asked her.

"Sometimes," she admitted a bit surprised by his sudden question, "but not often. It kind of feels like I am invading someone's personal space. Usually if I enter another's dream it is by accident, or it is of a dreamer who has long since passed on."

"So you enter the dreams of dead people?" Cullen asked wearily.

"Yes, I can, but their dreams are usually old memories running on a loop. A perpetual circle of their dreams, a replaying of their life, at least that's all I've seen. I try not to wonder too far into the fade."

"Hm," was all Cullen said in reply.

"I wouldn't be able to get far anyway. I can only reach so far away from myself."

"I don't think I would mind dreaming with you," Cullen confessed.

Kaliana looked up at him, surprised. "Really?" she asked. "I could if you want. I've seen yours before," Kaliana caught herself.

"You've seen mine before?" Cullen wasn't all that surprised.

"Well, I um, I see a lot of dreams in the tower. I've never entered yours, I swear. I just observe," Kaliana turned a bright shade of red.

"I would probably have done the same, if I were in your shoes," Cullen assured her.

Kaliana smiled, still embarrassed. They sat together for a while longer, and talked as if there was nothing in the world that could keep them apart. Cullen spoke of his family, and Kaliana wished she could meet them. Though, Cullen admitted he hadn't seen them in years, but still wrote to his sister Mia often. In turn, Kaliana told him what she could about her own family. At least what little she remembered and what she knew from her mother's letters. She found herself wishing she could stay in Denerim longer and be with her family, but it was a hopeless thought and they both knew it. As time passed, Kaliana grew more weary and finally had to bid Cullen goodnight. 

"Are you sure you want me to dream with you?" Kaliana asked him while they stood by the door. She had abandon her blanket covering on the bed.

Cullen's expression wasn't exactly reassuring, but he insisted, "if it means spending more time with you, then yes."

"Alright," Kaliana smiled up at him. He pulled her into a kiss. Feeling his lips on hers, she felt she was quickly becoming addicted to them.

"Goodnight," he stroked her cheek as he pulled away and slipped into the hallway. 

She shut the door behind him, and crawled into bed. Her stomach seemed to be tying itself into knots in her nervousness, but she closed her eyes regardless. Part of her worried she would be too restless for sleep to take her, but after a short while she eventually drifted off.

Kaliana always loved to dream. It was the only place she had complete control. The waking world was always changing, shifting, and moving at a pace she struggled to keep up with. Around every corner there always seemed to be another rule, another binding chain, another Templar. She preferred to hide from it all, in her books, in her dreams… in Cullen.

She looked for her Templar in the fade, wandering through the tall green grass of her dream. She had sculpted the trees around her into the twisting swirls that reached towards a sky forever lit by twilight. Looking down at her nightclothes, she decided they wouldn't due. A moment later she wore a fine silk dress of pale blue and silver, a long skirt trailing behind her.

She found him by a lake, standing on a rickety dock looking out over the peaceful water. He turned and saw her coming, and as she approached the dream seemed to become sharper, more lifelike. It was as if he was awake.

"Is this real?" Cullen asked softly as she joined him on the dock.

"Yes and no," Kaliana explained, "you are really seeing this in your mind, but no you are not physically here." She studied their surroundings, "by the way, where is here?"

"It's…" Cullen was surprised she didn't know, "the lake I used to come to as a child... I thought you brought me here."

"No. This is your dream Cullen, and you are remarkably strong willed. You brought us to somewhere familiar to you. Normally we would be somewhere more familiar to both of us. I would have expected Kinloch."

Cullen thought for a moment, taking it all in. "I have to ask," he said cautiously, "but how do you tell this from reality? How do you know it's me and not a demon?"

Kaliana knew what he was really asking. How would he know it was really her? "Well," she began, "when demons shift into a form of another, there is always some flaw. They can imitate life, but not achieve it. People are deceived, because they want to believe and have their inner most desires granted. They are willing to overlook the flaws, in exchange their wishes are granted, but it is nothing more than endless dream. Then, of course, the demon gains control over the dreamer's physical form."

"Demons," she continued, "also have a powerful influence over people. It is very difficult to resist them, but once you find their flaw and expose them, it is easier."

"Oh, so all I have to do to avoid being possessed is find the demon's flaw?" Cullen tried to make light of such a heavy reality.

"Well that, and resist all your deepest darkest desires being offered to you on a silver platter."

"I already have my deepest darkest desire," Cullen took her hand in his, smiling.

Kaliana smiled back, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You know, when we return to the Circle Tower, I can still visit you in your dreams if you like. It's the only place they can never find us."

Cullen was quiet for a moment, his smile shrinking away. "We agreed once we returned to the Circle this would end."

Kaliana's felt her heart constrict as he spoke.

"I love you Kaliana, but I know if they discover us I will never see you again. They will separate us forever at best. More likely you will be locked away and I will be thrown out of the Order. I don't know if I can live with the possibility of never seeing you again. I would never be able to forgive myself if they took you away."

Kaliana's heart sank. Deep down she knew he was right. If they were found that he would most likely be stripped of his Templar status and she could end up in Aeonar, the mage prison. It was miracle she had avoided it so far. The Templars had wanted to send her there almost as soon as she had arrived at the Circle.

Still, she didn't want this to be over, even though she knew the consequences. At first she thought she would be able to pretend that this never happened, that they would be able to go back to normal. Now, she knew it wasn't possible. "I know what I said Cullen, but I can't just let this go," she said the tears welling up in her eyes. "I can't pretend like nothing happened and walk away."

Cullen held her close, he didn't want to walk away either. He wanted to give her everything. He would give her the world to just make her smile. Try as he might, he couldn't deny his heart, and he couldn't deny his love.

"I don't know what will happen to us Kali, but I don't think I can walk away either," he spoke softly. "We will figure this out, together. Come what may."

Their waking would soon crumble to pieces, but for this moment their dreams were real. Only to be stolen by morning's light.


	5. Love and Friendship

A Chantry sister jarred Kaliana from her sleep before the sunrise. The order from the Circle had arrived only moments before, but as soon as the head Templar had read the missive the sister was dispatched for Kaliana's rude awakening. Kaliana was to leave immediately with Cullen and return to the Circle. Inwardly, Kaliana was panicking. She didn't think was possible for anyone to have discovered her relationship with Cullen. At least she hoped. She gathered her few belongings in a silent terror. Thankfully, upon meeting Cullen in the Chantry sanctuary he explained that their abrupt departure was caused by unrelated influences. Namely their exodus was due to a call to arms by King Cailan. Many circle mages and Templars were heading to battle, and all others were being called back to the circle.

As soon as they were able, Cullen and Kaliana were escorted from the city. This rushed exit meant Kaliana would not have the chance to say goodbye to her family. She took comfort in the Revered Mother's promise to pass on her goodbyes. As the rays of dawn finally broke the horizon, Kaliana whispered a private goodbye outside the city gates.

Kaliana and Cullen said little during their journey, both of them knowing their time alone together would soon been at an end. This silence was the same as it had been while traveling to Denerim. Just being with him was enough for now, words would only get in the way. Still, there was heaviness in the air as they dreaded every step that brought them closer to Kinloch and confinement. It wasn't until they set up camp for the night did Cullen truly break the silence.

"I have something for you," he said sitting beside her.

Kaliana merely turned her gaze from the flames to him.

"I know it's not much," he began reaching into a pocket, "but I thought you could at least have something to remind you of our time together." He held a small leather pouch in his hand and placed it gently in Kaliana's open palm.

She smiled as she opened the drawstring mouth, and turned the pouch upside down gently into her free hand. A silver necklace tumbled out into her awaiting fingers. The long delicate silver chain supported a crescent moon and star pendant. The silver moon seemed to glow a faint blue, and the star had similar white glow to it.

"I was told it was enchanted," Cullen explained, "I believe it helps improve barriers, but I also just thought you would like it."

"I love it, Cullen," Kaliana smiled wide. "Will you help me put it on?" She lifted her mangled curls for Cullen to fasten the clasp.

"I will always be with you Kali, as long as you wear it. Though, I will always be here… even if you don't…" he began overthinking his statement, as he so often did.

Kaliana silenced him with a kiss, "I love you," she said softly pulling away.

"And I love you," Cullen sighed. "Always."

They sat together near the fire till they had burned through their gathered supply of firewood, and little more than embers burned in the pit. Neither wanted their last night to be over, so neither made the move towards the tent that would consequently end the evening. Neither of them spoke, Kaliana stood up and gently took Cullen's hand in hers. He looked up at her, green eyes bright and her long hair gleaming in the moonlight. He feared he would never look upon like this again, but he silently reminded himself that Andraste would provide the way for them, if it was meant to be.

Getting to his feet, Cullen followed Kaliana to the tent. They stood outside for a moment, and Kaliana looked up at him. She caressed his jaw and admired his handsome features. For so many years she had hidden away in books, but he made her look up and look at the world around her. At the center of her world was Cullen. He was an anchor to reality that she hadn't thought she needed. She found he was the tether to the only happiness she had left.

Tonight was their last night together and she would make it count. There was tension in the air neither could quite place. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was if the air around them had become electrified. Cullen pulled her into kiss that deepened with each passing second. They did not break apart as they stumbled into the tent, their arms wrapped around each other as if they would lose each other if they let go. It wasn't until Kaliana lay beneath him on the bedroll did he come to his senses.

"Wait," Cullen breathed trying to catch his breath.

"What's the matter?" Kaliana asked sitting up, her robes slightly skewed on her small frame.

"Is this what you want?" Cullen asked softly. "I mean by Chantry standards we should burst into flame at any moment," he was only half joking.

"Well," Kaliana began realizing what he meant, "my answer is yes, I do want this Cullen." She smiled at him, "as for the chantry, we've already broken enough rules to give the Divine herself a heart attack." He smiled at that, the goofy half smile that always made her heart melt. "But is this what you want, Cullen?"

"I… um. Yes, it is. I just don't want to hurt you… And I have never been with a woman in this way before," he finally admitted.

"Nor have I ever been with a man," she looked at him, as he wrestled with himself internally.

"Maker, forgive me," he kissed her again. Softly this time, and they descended together into the unknown.

* * * * *

Returning the tower was much more difficult than Kaliana had originally thought it would be. The familiar walls that once promised safety and comfort now felt like the bars of a cage. Shortly after returning, Cullen had returned to his duties and was forced to leave Kaliana wondering when she would see him again.

However, she was looking forward to moving out of the apprentice hall and into the mage's quarters. She had not gotten the opportunity to do so before leaving.

The apprentices' hall was thankfully empty as she gathered the last of her belongings from her bunk. Many of the senior mages were gone to Ostagar to help the king fight the darkspawn horde, or so she was told. The apprentices were off to their studies in the classrooms. Which left Kaliana to gather her things in blessed silence. She neatly piled her robes and books on the folded quilt of her bed. As she did, she heard the creak of the door open and Jowan appeared.

"Kali!" he exclaimed, "I've missed you so much! I haven't seen you since before your Harrowing." Loud and animated, Jowan was the polar opposite of Kaliana. Somehow their personalities complemented each other and they had formed a friendship early on. Jowan was like the brother Kaliana never had. He looked out for her, studied with her. He had always been there for her. She trusted him with her deepest secrets and her life.

"I'm sorry for not saying goodbye," Kaliana apologized, "but there wasn't time to."

"It's alright, Kali," Jowan was always quick to forgive her. "However," he became more serious, "I need your help with something."

"What is it?" Kaliana was worried by his grave tone.

He sat down on the bed opposite of her, took a deep breath, and just laid it out, "they're going to make me tranquil," he confessed.

"What?" Kaliana was shocked. "Why? How can they do that, you haven't even been given the chance to go through your Harrowing. There must be some mistake."

"There is no mistake, my source is sure and trustworthy," he sighed. "There's more."

Kaliana just stared at him. How could he even know this information? How could they get away with making him tranquil without giving him the option of a Harrowing first? A million other questions raced through her head as Jowan went to the door and bid someone to enter. A girl, in Chantry robes, followed him over to the still shocked Kaliana. The robes she wore marked her as an initiate of the Chantry, she had yet to take her vows. Which explained how Jowan knew about his potential fate to made tranquil.

The girl's brown eyes matched her short hair, which had been neatly tied back out of her eyes. The girl did not show any sign of fear or caution, her eyes seemed to burn with a determination that Kaliana felt she personally lacked.

"This is Lily," Jowan introduced the young woman. "We have… Well, we have been involved with each other for quite some time now."

Kaliana eyed them suspiciously, still unsure why they needed to involve her in this.

"I have confirmed that they wish to make Jowan tranquil and deny him his Harrowing," Lily spoke up. "I fear they have found us out and will come for us if we do not leave soon."

"Before we can leave, we need to destroy my phylactery," Jowan explained. "Then Lily and I will be free to go wherever we choose, but we need your help. Getting into the materials we need to access the phylactery storage requires a full mage who has passed their Harrowing. There is also a door that needs you to..."

"Jowan," Kaliana interrupted. She couldn't believe what they were asking of her, "even if we do somehow destroy the phylactery and you two somehow manage to escape the tower, they will still come after you. They will still hunt you."

"I know, but it's a risk I'm willing to take," Jowan took Lily's hand in his. "I would rather die free, than be made an emotionless husk for the rest of my life. Everything I care about would become meaningless. My love for Lily would be gone. That is not a life worth living."

She knew that he was right, in a way. If their roles were reversed, and he had come to him with Cullen, Jowan would help her without a second thought.

"Please," Lily begged, eyes wide and lined with unshed tears. The look of fearlessness Kaliana had observed earlier was gone now.

"Okay," Kaliana relented, "what do you need me to do?"


End file.
